You all may have heard me use this phrase in the past. I can't remember who I got it from, but I assure you that I didn't come up with it on my own. Those that haven't heard it before are probably wondering exactly what classifies something as a "ghetto tragedy". A ghetto tragedy is something that can happen anywhere, but is only a tragedy in the ghetto, OR it is something that would ONLY happen in the ghetto, and therefore, is a tragedy. Example: Fried chicken/fish with no hot sauce...ghetto tragedy; Koolaide with no sugar...ghetto tragedy; showing up an hour and forty-five minutes late for your wedding in a Chevy Avalanche...ghetto tragedy; running out of plates at the buffet, and having to shut it down so you can wash more...ghetto tragedy; having a dry wedding, and your husband, groomsmen, and wedding coordinator sneaking into the kitchen and drinking...ghetto tragedy. I think you get the picture.
I think that's all I'm going to say about this one, ya'll comment with your examples.
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
Monday, May 5, 2008
Put me to Sleep
As promised, I return from the Big Apple with some funnies to share. As if the universe felt like we were in danger of a lack of material once we arrived in the city, we were provided with all kinds of entertainment on the bus en route. Jam and I rode the Bolt Bus. This has to be one of the greatest ideas ever. This thing was beautiful. It's a brand new bus, with leather seats, WiFi internet access, and a bathroom with a FLUSHING toilet (this didn't turn out to be one of the pros by the time we were headed home though, we realized that the toilet flushes with the pee that's in it....I don't think there's anything more gross than that). For some reason, I got on the bus thinking that I'd see all of the foolishness one we got into the city, but we got a few special gems on the ride there.
So, we're standing at the corner of 10th and G, with our brand new Kenneth Cole laptop backpacks stuffed to high heaven, and the biggest smiles that you'll ever see because not only are we headed to NY to see a gorgeous baby and participate in some much deserved reatil therapy, but we're making the trip for a whopping $44 round trip, AND we can catch up on Grey's Anatomy on the ride. As we're standing on the corner looking like two fifth graders on the way to patrol camp, up pulls the most beautiful bus you ever did see.
The bus driver comes off and asks Jam and I to make sure no one steals her bus, and she goes to smoke a cig and buy a hotdog. For some reason, I like her already. The first hot mess that we witnessed were representatives of the homosexual epidemic that is sweeping today's high schools. Now don't get me wrong. There were gay boys at my high school, and to be honest, one of my best friends in high school was a gay boy named Scott, who blamed his high voice on complications during puberty...turns out he just liked the way it sounded. But Scott wore New Balance, slouch socks, sweatpants, and white tees just like every other boy at school. Now, if you're a man that happens to enjoy the "company" of a man, I can totally dig it, but you're not a woman. And frankly, gay men are some of the most stylish men on the planet, and I just hate that they might end up wasting their impeccable taste and unparalleled wit on the energy it would take to transform themselves into a woman (this does not apply to the beloved drag queens and transgender folks...just keep reading, you'll see what I mean). Ok....stepping down from the soapbox. These little boys, not only wore women's clothes, but were sporting women's hairdo's. But here's the kicker....the fool had a full beard and mustache!! Why the hell wouldn't you try to make your face look like a woman too? This is clearly a case of a child that changes his clothes when he gets to school. We also saw many delusional people sporting fingerwaves, but that's another blog in and of itself. And I can't forget about the woman with the comb over that started from behind her right ear, and went all the way around the other side into her ponytail in the back....think about it for a minute and you'll get a visual.
So, we're looking around at the people that are waiting to board the bus, and we notice a handicapped couple with matching electric wheel chairs, and another couple with a baby. First words out of Jam's mouth, "Ya'll better keep that baby happy". I totally agree. The kid was fine though. The problem? The handicapped people. Now, I think the reason that they became a problem is because the woman was not handicapped. She was just fat...and in a wheel chair. Obesity is not a handicap...I don't care WHAT you say. A handicap is an impairment that you have no control over. Obesity is something that you did to yourself...over time...and wouldn't stop. So, my homegirl, the busdriver comes back, and gets on the bus, but doesn't let us on. She gets on the phone with "her people", and they tell her that the bus is only going to make one stop. 6th ave and Canal street. Where do we want to go? I can't remember now, but it wasn't that, lol. So we have to wait for the next bus. Now, if God didn't have such a healthy sense of humor, he would've allowed the obnoxious fat woman and her sheepish husband to get on this bus. But NO, he's quite the jokester, and she has to wait with us for the next bus, not before continuing to scream at the busdriver that her ticket says that the bus will leave at 4:00pm and stop at such and such.
So we wait about 25 seconds, and the second bus pulls up, and the driver hops off. Not before he has to re-park the bus four times to accomodate that "handicap" entrance to the bus. I'd also like to clarify my frustration with this woman. Jam saw her get up out of the wheelchair and walk. So for those that were getting irritated by my seemingly complete disregard for handicapped people, can get your panties out of a bunch. I'm notorious for giving up my seat on the train for the elderly AND the handicapped.
We get on the bus finally, and by the time we get to New York Ave, we hear snoring...LOUD snoring. Of course, it only makes sense for it to be her. So we go on, and try to enjoy our ride. Once we get used to her snoring, she wakes up. And now she begins screaming at her husband. They weren't arguing, he was talking, and she was screaming at him. About what, I don't know, but essentially, she told him to do whatever he wants do, she's getting on the subway at Penn Station. How mean is it for her to leave her legitimately handicapped husband? This woman was insane.
We get to a place about an hour outside of the city, and the busdriver pulls into a rest stop. He turns on the lights, and we're just sitting there. What Jam and I can't see from where we're seated is that busdriver has gotten off the bus and locked the door. He's gone for about 20 minutes, gets back on the bus, and pulls off. He never said a word. That's gangsta.
I'm sure many of you are thinking that the title of the blog is in reference to the snoring fat woman on the bus, but quite the contrary, it's something that my pastor said to me Sunday. I went over to the house to do my cousin's hair, and my pastor wanted to follow-up with me to see how I've been since we last had a real conversation. I was telling him how well I was doing, and sharing my testimony of happiness, and renewed joy, and told him about how I no longer want to get married. This surprised him a bit until I explained myself (see "I"m not in the Mood"). Once I did, he told me how happy was to hear it. And moved on to give me a piece of advice to go along with what I was already doing...
Pastor said that my prayer should be "Lord, put me to sleep". Of course, I asked him exactly what this means. To me it sounded like he was telling me to ask God to kill me, and that's not at all what I want, lol. But he went on to explain that the most perfect and holy union in creation was that of Adam and Eve. We all know the story, and know how Adam and Eve were cast out of the garden for allowing the devil to take advantage of them, but at it's inception and until the point of it's corruption, it was the most perfect union. When God created Adam, he knew that he needed a companion; and he put him to sleep in order to create her. By asking God to put you to sleep, you are asking God to help you to tune out all of the foolishness, all of the would be suitors and husbands, all of the crap that goes along with LOOKING to get married, and ONLYwake me up, when you've created what you want for me. And not only to tune them out, but to be unaffected by them.
Now, my Grandma Lucille used to always say, "Be careful what you pray for because you just might get it". I would have to say this is definitely one of those situations. I'm TRULY unaffected, much to the dismay of a few others, but I honestly believe that I feel what I'm supposed to feel, when I'm supposed to feel it. I've even tried to force feelings when they weren't there, only to be even MORE turned off. Turning down gifts and outings, and vacations, and such because I truly don't want to spend time with someone that I'm not interested in. For some reason I feel like when I do that, my soul is being drained. So I'm truly feeling and doing what's real. And I like it, it feels so natural...it might hurt some feelings, but eh...what are you gonna do?
So, we're standing at the corner of 10th and G, with our brand new Kenneth Cole laptop backpacks stuffed to high heaven, and the biggest smiles that you'll ever see because not only are we headed to NY to see a gorgeous baby and participate in some much deserved reatil therapy, but we're making the trip for a whopping $44 round trip, AND we can catch up on Grey's Anatomy on the ride. As we're standing on the corner looking like two fifth graders on the way to patrol camp, up pulls the most beautiful bus you ever did see.
The bus driver comes off and asks Jam and I to make sure no one steals her bus, and she goes to smoke a cig and buy a hotdog. For some reason, I like her already. The first hot mess that we witnessed were representatives of the homosexual epidemic that is sweeping today's high schools. Now don't get me wrong. There were gay boys at my high school, and to be honest, one of my best friends in high school was a gay boy named Scott, who blamed his high voice on complications during puberty...turns out he just liked the way it sounded. But Scott wore New Balance, slouch socks, sweatpants, and white tees just like every other boy at school. Now, if you're a man that happens to enjoy the "company" of a man, I can totally dig it, but you're not a woman. And frankly, gay men are some of the most stylish men on the planet, and I just hate that they might end up wasting their impeccable taste and unparalleled wit on the energy it would take to transform themselves into a woman (this does not apply to the beloved drag queens and transgender folks...just keep reading, you'll see what I mean). Ok....stepping down from the soapbox. These little boys, not only wore women's clothes, but were sporting women's hairdo's. But here's the kicker....the fool had a full beard and mustache!! Why the hell wouldn't you try to make your face look like a woman too? This is clearly a case of a child that changes his clothes when he gets to school. We also saw many delusional people sporting fingerwaves, but that's another blog in and of itself. And I can't forget about the woman with the comb over that started from behind her right ear, and went all the way around the other side into her ponytail in the back....think about it for a minute and you'll get a visual.
So, we're looking around at the people that are waiting to board the bus, and we notice a handicapped couple with matching electric wheel chairs, and another couple with a baby. First words out of Jam's mouth, "Ya'll better keep that baby happy". I totally agree. The kid was fine though. The problem? The handicapped people. Now, I think the reason that they became a problem is because the woman was not handicapped. She was just fat...and in a wheel chair. Obesity is not a handicap...I don't care WHAT you say. A handicap is an impairment that you have no control over. Obesity is something that you did to yourself...over time...and wouldn't stop. So, my homegirl, the busdriver comes back, and gets on the bus, but doesn't let us on. She gets on the phone with "her people", and they tell her that the bus is only going to make one stop. 6th ave and Canal street. Where do we want to go? I can't remember now, but it wasn't that, lol. So we have to wait for the next bus. Now, if God didn't have such a healthy sense of humor, he would've allowed the obnoxious fat woman and her sheepish husband to get on this bus. But NO, he's quite the jokester, and she has to wait with us for the next bus, not before continuing to scream at the busdriver that her ticket says that the bus will leave at 4:00pm and stop at such and such.
So we wait about 25 seconds, and the second bus pulls up, and the driver hops off. Not before he has to re-park the bus four times to accomodate that "handicap" entrance to the bus. I'd also like to clarify my frustration with this woman. Jam saw her get up out of the wheelchair and walk. So for those that were getting irritated by my seemingly complete disregard for handicapped people, can get your panties out of a bunch. I'm notorious for giving up my seat on the train for the elderly AND the handicapped.
We get on the bus finally, and by the time we get to New York Ave, we hear snoring...LOUD snoring. Of course, it only makes sense for it to be her. So we go on, and try to enjoy our ride. Once we get used to her snoring, she wakes up. And now she begins screaming at her husband. They weren't arguing, he was talking, and she was screaming at him. About what, I don't know, but essentially, she told him to do whatever he wants do, she's getting on the subway at Penn Station. How mean is it for her to leave her legitimately handicapped husband? This woman was insane.
We get to a place about an hour outside of the city, and the busdriver pulls into a rest stop. He turns on the lights, and we're just sitting there. What Jam and I can't see from where we're seated is that busdriver has gotten off the bus and locked the door. He's gone for about 20 minutes, gets back on the bus, and pulls off. He never said a word. That's gangsta.
I'm sure many of you are thinking that the title of the blog is in reference to the snoring fat woman on the bus, but quite the contrary, it's something that my pastor said to me Sunday. I went over to the house to do my cousin's hair, and my pastor wanted to follow-up with me to see how I've been since we last had a real conversation. I was telling him how well I was doing, and sharing my testimony of happiness, and renewed joy, and told him about how I no longer want to get married. This surprised him a bit until I explained myself (see "I"m not in the Mood"). Once I did, he told me how happy was to hear it. And moved on to give me a piece of advice to go along with what I was already doing...
Pastor said that my prayer should be "Lord, put me to sleep". Of course, I asked him exactly what this means. To me it sounded like he was telling me to ask God to kill me, and that's not at all what I want, lol. But he went on to explain that the most perfect and holy union in creation was that of Adam and Eve. We all know the story, and know how Adam and Eve were cast out of the garden for allowing the devil to take advantage of them, but at it's inception and until the point of it's corruption, it was the most perfect union. When God created Adam, he knew that he needed a companion; and he put him to sleep in order to create her. By asking God to put you to sleep, you are asking God to help you to tune out all of the foolishness, all of the would be suitors and husbands, all of the crap that goes along with LOOKING to get married, and ONLYwake me up, when you've created what you want for me. And not only to tune them out, but to be unaffected by them.
Now, my Grandma Lucille used to always say, "Be careful what you pray for because you just might get it". I would have to say this is definitely one of those situations. I'm TRULY unaffected, much to the dismay of a few others, but I honestly believe that I feel what I'm supposed to feel, when I'm supposed to feel it. I've even tried to force feelings when they weren't there, only to be even MORE turned off. Turning down gifts and outings, and vacations, and such because I truly don't want to spend time with someone that I'm not interested in. For some reason I feel like when I do that, my soul is being drained. So I'm truly feeling and doing what's real. And I like it, it feels so natural...it might hurt some feelings, but eh...what are you gonna do?
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Cheaters
Hey Ya'll! It's Wednesday, and I'm finally beginning to feel like the week is actually moving. Is it me or did it feel like Monday and Tuesday were each 48 hours long? At any rate, here we are at the hump, and the rest of the week is seeming a lot more doable. Very excited about the upcoming weekend...going up to NY to see the new baby, and to participate in some much needed retail therapy. I KNOW, I'll have wonderful things to report about our brothers and sisters to the North, so be sure to tune in for the updates.
From the title I'm sure you can tell that I'm going to be talking about cheaters today, but before we go on, I want to talk about a few of my pet peeves. The only reason I want to mention them is because since I've been at work today, I've been bombarded by ALL of them. I don't have many, but the ones I have are very irritating. The first and most annoying is talking with your mouth full...on the phone. I hate it in person too, but more than anything over the phone. If you're eating your breakfast, WHY would you call me to go over a job description edit. Finish your sandwich, and THEN call me. Now I can understand if I call you, it's still irritating, but you have no control over that one, but WHY call me when you're eating?! Second and almost as irritating as talking with your mouth full is, finishing my sentences. I HATE that. If this is the indication of tru love and soulmate hood (sp?), then I don't want it. Have you ever been talking to someone, and someone else in the conversation tries to say the last few words of your sentence with you. 1. They never get it right, and therefore end up looking stupid, 2. Why are you doing that? What exactly do you hope to accomplish? Are you trying to showcase your supernatural skills of foresight? Hate it Hate it Hate it. OK, the vent/rant is over. PS. This does NOT just happen to me at work. I've found that guys that are trying to "impress" tend to do this pretty often too, and rather than impress, it makes me look at the phone when you call and think, "hmmm...do I want to listen to this fool tell me what I have to say?"
This Saturday as I was lounging around at the beginning of my day, I was flipping through the channels and came across a "Cheaters" marathon. (Sidebar: Why does "Cheaters" come on G-4? That's the videogame channel. I feel like it should be on the CW or something, anyway...) Seeing as how I'm addicted to reality TV, I curled up on the sofa and committed myself to watching at least three episodes. This is a very funny show. In case you aren't familiar with the plot: quite simply, it's a show in which one person thinks their mate is cheating on them, and they call the show to catch them cheating. It starts with an interview with the scorned lover, in which they explain all of the reasons they think they're being cheated on, and throughout the interview, WE get to see surveillance that confirms this. After the interview, the host, (who btw, is the most patronizing fart you'll ever meet), shows the cheatee all of the surveillance that we've already seen. If the cheatee is a man, you can almost guarantee there will be tears, the girls pretty much just get really pissed off and militant about NOW, not taking this anymore. So then they "confront" the cheater. It's great because the cheater is ALWAYS with their new "friend", and 9 times out of 10 show no sign of remorse whatsoever. So of course, this means that now the cheatee attacks the new "friend". Only, in one of the episodes I saw Saturday, the poor guy couldn't attack the new "friend" because it was a GIRL. His girlfriend was cheating on him with a GIRL. So true to form, he cried...like a girl.
Then, it was as if I saw myself on the screen...the cheater got pissed. THIS would be my reaction. Let me explain. As stated in the last blog, I'm one of those, "don't like to reject" girls. So unless something is blatantly wrong with the relationship, I won't really have the guts to break up. At least not until I just can't stand it anymore, and that usually take about a week, lol. So there have been times...in the past...that I've cheated (don't get your panties in a bunch, this won't sound so bad in a minute). I've cheated because I didn't know how to break up with the current, but still wanted to be with the new. (Sidebar: I'm not a CHEATER, sometimes I just break up with people, and neglect to tell them right away...it's something I'm working on.) Anyway, with someone like me, this whole "HA, gotcha!!" thing just wouldn't work. I'd be like, "whew, thank God...so this means it's over right?" But TWO seconds later, I'd be LIVID. I'd be angry for a couple different reasons. 1. I no longer care about you enough to endure the embarrassment of having my business put on television. 2. I would really like to know what you sought to accomplish with this stunt. If you think I'm cheating, ask me. I'll be very honest, especially since if i'm cheating, all I need is a conversation starter, I'm begging you! Am I cheating, yes I am, and I'm sorry, but I don't think this is going to work out.
Now let's talk about the flip side of this. Well, now that I'm thinking about it, just a different side, not necessarily the flip side. What are some other reasons that people cheat? We've already talked about people like myself that cheat because we're punks. And have pretty much concluded that the punks are really only cheating as a cry for help to get out of the relationship. What about the people that cheat and don't want out of their relationship? This is a beast that I will NEVER understand. So much so that I don't really know what to say at this point. I'd like to hear some of your comments on this subject.
I guess the first task in attempting to figure this out would be defining cheating. I define cheating as anything that you wouldn't do in front of your mate. So to me, even a flirtatious text message is cheating. With this way of thinking though, there are different levels of consequences that coincide with the severity of the infraction, but nonetheless, repeated "cheating" won't be tolerated. Since this is my blog, we'll go with my definition of cheating. So to answer the question why, we'd have to ask and answer the question at every level. Why does someone accept flirtatious text messages? Anytime I've done something like this is because it makes me feel good about myself, makes me feel pretty, it's a harmless ego boost. The next level I would say would be to actually flirt in person, maybe even go to dinner or something. This is the person that has seriously crossed the line. What line you might ask? Jill Scott wrote a song that explains the first level very well. And to be honest, this is the only level of cheating that I've ever reached, but based upon my definition of cheating, it's cheating nonetheless (I told you, it wasn't so bad ;-) ). It's one of my favorites on the new album, because she was successful in capturing something that I would've never been able to explain if "caught". See below:
I've been talking to this man
He's been saying what I like and
He makes me smile when I'm down
He says sweet things in my ear
All the things I've needed to hear
But that's as far as it's gone
I promise, I promise
But I enjoy it
I love it so
'Cause it seems like I'm always alone
You're at arm's reach
But baby, where are you?
'Cause I got this fire, sweet and tru
But I'm cold as ice around you
I'm lonely whenever you're around
Again, this isn't a valid reason for violating your relationship, but it's an honest and real explanation. At least it has been for me. When the album came out last summer, and I heard the song, I was immediately relieved and forgave myself for my past indiscretions. This could also be considered a cry for attention, and can happen when you're generally happy and in love, but there's a rif, a separation of some kind. Usually emotional.
So have we answered the question at hand? Why would someone "cheat", but not be looking for a way out of their relationship? I guess there are a few answers. The first would be that the cheater may just be incapable of fidelity. The grass is always greener on the other side, but they aren't stupid enough to think that they can live their lives without some kind of ongoing companionship. Another reason could be that something is lacking in their relationship. In Tyler Perry's "Why did I get Married", the point is raised that you will only ever find 80% of what you want in a mate, in one person. If this is true, then something will always be lacking, and therefore a weak person might dibble dabble here and there tasting that other 20%. The thing that should keep you faithful is that the 20% ain't worth the 80%, if this theory is even true. Finally, the last reason that I think people cheat is that someone that truly is better may become available, or come along. This is the most difficult situation. When you're with someone, and for all you know, this is the person with whom you want to spend the rest of your life. At least, they look most like the image of this person you have in your head. And then one day, you meet someone that is EVERYTHING that you ever dreamed of. Or worse yet, you've known this person all along, but let's say they....break up with they're mate. All of a sudden the person that you've wanted most is available. But what do you do with the one you're with? They've done nothing wrong. They're quite obviously GREAT, the best of the best...if it weren't for this other one that's now available. What do you do? Please don't expect me to answer this question, lol. Because I have no idea. I could tell you what I've SEEN happen, but that's not really important here, lol. Please comment.
I guess the conclusion of the whole matter is to stay single until you can be with the one person in the world that you want to be with. I hear someone saying, "what if there's more than one person I want to be with?" You're just not ready, that's what. Of course there are other stipulations to making this work. You have to stay "prayed up". Pray for guidance so you don't muff the whole thing up. You have to be in-tuned to people's spirits. Don't just look for a physical attraction, seek a spiritual attraction. And most importantly, don't ask more of yourself or someone else than you or they are willing to give. When it's right, it happens automatically. You shouldn't be faithful to your mate starting the day that you make it "official", it's something that should've happened in you by default, because you just don't want to be with anyone else. No one is afraid of commitment. Everyone can and will commit to whom they're supposed to. We just spend too much time trying to force it.
From the title I'm sure you can tell that I'm going to be talking about cheaters today, but before we go on, I want to talk about a few of my pet peeves. The only reason I want to mention them is because since I've been at work today, I've been bombarded by ALL of them. I don't have many, but the ones I have are very irritating. The first and most annoying is talking with your mouth full...on the phone. I hate it in person too, but more than anything over the phone. If you're eating your breakfast, WHY would you call me to go over a job description edit. Finish your sandwich, and THEN call me. Now I can understand if I call you, it's still irritating, but you have no control over that one, but WHY call me when you're eating?! Second and almost as irritating as talking with your mouth full is, finishing my sentences. I HATE that. If this is the indication of tru love and soulmate hood (sp?), then I don't want it. Have you ever been talking to someone, and someone else in the conversation tries to say the last few words of your sentence with you. 1. They never get it right, and therefore end up looking stupid, 2. Why are you doing that? What exactly do you hope to accomplish? Are you trying to showcase your supernatural skills of foresight? Hate it Hate it Hate it. OK, the vent/rant is over. PS. This does NOT just happen to me at work. I've found that guys that are trying to "impress" tend to do this pretty often too, and rather than impress, it makes me look at the phone when you call and think, "hmmm...do I want to listen to this fool tell me what I have to say?"
This Saturday as I was lounging around at the beginning of my day, I was flipping through the channels and came across a "Cheaters" marathon. (Sidebar: Why does "Cheaters" come on G-4? That's the videogame channel. I feel like it should be on the CW or something, anyway...) Seeing as how I'm addicted to reality TV, I curled up on the sofa and committed myself to watching at least three episodes. This is a very funny show. In case you aren't familiar with the plot: quite simply, it's a show in which one person thinks their mate is cheating on them, and they call the show to catch them cheating. It starts with an interview with the scorned lover, in which they explain all of the reasons they think they're being cheated on, and throughout the interview, WE get to see surveillance that confirms this. After the interview, the host, (who btw, is the most patronizing fart you'll ever meet), shows the cheatee all of the surveillance that we've already seen. If the cheatee is a man, you can almost guarantee there will be tears, the girls pretty much just get really pissed off and militant about NOW, not taking this anymore. So then they "confront" the cheater. It's great because the cheater is ALWAYS with their new "friend", and 9 times out of 10 show no sign of remorse whatsoever. So of course, this means that now the cheatee attacks the new "friend". Only, in one of the episodes I saw Saturday, the poor guy couldn't attack the new "friend" because it was a GIRL. His girlfriend was cheating on him with a GIRL. So true to form, he cried...like a girl.
Then, it was as if I saw myself on the screen...the cheater got pissed. THIS would be my reaction. Let me explain. As stated in the last blog, I'm one of those, "don't like to reject" girls. So unless something is blatantly wrong with the relationship, I won't really have the guts to break up. At least not until I just can't stand it anymore, and that usually take about a week, lol. So there have been times...in the past...that I've cheated (don't get your panties in a bunch, this won't sound so bad in a minute). I've cheated because I didn't know how to break up with the current, but still wanted to be with the new. (Sidebar: I'm not a CHEATER, sometimes I just break up with people, and neglect to tell them right away...it's something I'm working on.) Anyway, with someone like me, this whole "HA, gotcha!!" thing just wouldn't work. I'd be like, "whew, thank God...so this means it's over right?" But TWO seconds later, I'd be LIVID. I'd be angry for a couple different reasons. 1. I no longer care about you enough to endure the embarrassment of having my business put on television. 2. I would really like to know what you sought to accomplish with this stunt. If you think I'm cheating, ask me. I'll be very honest, especially since if i'm cheating, all I need is a conversation starter, I'm begging you! Am I cheating, yes I am, and I'm sorry, but I don't think this is going to work out.
Now let's talk about the flip side of this. Well, now that I'm thinking about it, just a different side, not necessarily the flip side. What are some other reasons that people cheat? We've already talked about people like myself that cheat because we're punks. And have pretty much concluded that the punks are really only cheating as a cry for help to get out of the relationship. What about the people that cheat and don't want out of their relationship? This is a beast that I will NEVER understand. So much so that I don't really know what to say at this point. I'd like to hear some of your comments on this subject.
I guess the first task in attempting to figure this out would be defining cheating. I define cheating as anything that you wouldn't do in front of your mate. So to me, even a flirtatious text message is cheating. With this way of thinking though, there are different levels of consequences that coincide with the severity of the infraction, but nonetheless, repeated "cheating" won't be tolerated. Since this is my blog, we'll go with my definition of cheating. So to answer the question why, we'd have to ask and answer the question at every level. Why does someone accept flirtatious text messages? Anytime I've done something like this is because it makes me feel good about myself, makes me feel pretty, it's a harmless ego boost. The next level I would say would be to actually flirt in person, maybe even go to dinner or something. This is the person that has seriously crossed the line. What line you might ask? Jill Scott wrote a song that explains the first level very well. And to be honest, this is the only level of cheating that I've ever reached, but based upon my definition of cheating, it's cheating nonetheless (I told you, it wasn't so bad ;-) ). It's one of my favorites on the new album, because she was successful in capturing something that I would've never been able to explain if "caught". See below:
I've been talking to this man
He's been saying what I like and
He makes me smile when I'm down
He says sweet things in my ear
All the things I've needed to hear
But that's as far as it's gone
I promise, I promise
But I enjoy it
I love it so
'Cause it seems like I'm always alone
You're at arm's reach
But baby, where are you?
'Cause I got this fire, sweet and tru
But I'm cold as ice around you
I'm lonely whenever you're around
Again, this isn't a valid reason for violating your relationship, but it's an honest and real explanation. At least it has been for me. When the album came out last summer, and I heard the song, I was immediately relieved and forgave myself for my past indiscretions. This could also be considered a cry for attention, and can happen when you're generally happy and in love, but there's a rif, a separation of some kind. Usually emotional.
So have we answered the question at hand? Why would someone "cheat", but not be looking for a way out of their relationship? I guess there are a few answers. The first would be that the cheater may just be incapable of fidelity. The grass is always greener on the other side, but they aren't stupid enough to think that they can live their lives without some kind of ongoing companionship. Another reason could be that something is lacking in their relationship. In Tyler Perry's "Why did I get Married", the point is raised that you will only ever find 80% of what you want in a mate, in one person. If this is true, then something will always be lacking, and therefore a weak person might dibble dabble here and there tasting that other 20%. The thing that should keep you faithful is that the 20% ain't worth the 80%, if this theory is even true. Finally, the last reason that I think people cheat is that someone that truly is better may become available, or come along. This is the most difficult situation. When you're with someone, and for all you know, this is the person with whom you want to spend the rest of your life. At least, they look most like the image of this person you have in your head. And then one day, you meet someone that is EVERYTHING that you ever dreamed of. Or worse yet, you've known this person all along, but let's say they....break up with they're mate. All of a sudden the person that you've wanted most is available. But what do you do with the one you're with? They've done nothing wrong. They're quite obviously GREAT, the best of the best...if it weren't for this other one that's now available. What do you do? Please don't expect me to answer this question, lol. Because I have no idea. I could tell you what I've SEEN happen, but that's not really important here, lol. Please comment.
I guess the conclusion of the whole matter is to stay single until you can be with the one person in the world that you want to be with. I hear someone saying, "what if there's more than one person I want to be with?" You're just not ready, that's what. Of course there are other stipulations to making this work. You have to stay "prayed up". Pray for guidance so you don't muff the whole thing up. You have to be in-tuned to people's spirits. Don't just look for a physical attraction, seek a spiritual attraction. And most importantly, don't ask more of yourself or someone else than you or they are willing to give. When it's right, it happens automatically. You shouldn't be faithful to your mate starting the day that you make it "official", it's something that should've happened in you by default, because you just don't want to be with anyone else. No one is afraid of commitment. Everyone can and will commit to whom they're supposed to. We just spend too much time trying to force it.
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