I hope all is well with everyone...I'm getting serious about my bloggin' again...I know we've all heard this before, but I'm trying to do better. I'm going to commit to one/week to start, and maybe a few freebies here and there. Please feel free to distribute throughout the land as you see fit. For those who are new to the blog, it's more of a stream of consciousness type of thing. No real theme, other than stuff that happens to me, and things that I think about...which, by the way is some funny stuff...believe you me, lol. So, now that we're all reacquainted, lets jump right back into the swing of things.
I started this blog entry over a year ago, and just decided to finish it. The underlying theme is one that I've been talking to folks about lately, so, I thought it would be a cool way to keep the conversation going. The good thing about this is that I have an update on the relationship with the fella below, so I guess that's a little nugget that you all wouldn't have gotten if I didn't put it down and pick it back up a year and a half later...enjoy...
As we get a bit older, the conversation amongst many groups of female friends, surrounds the shallow dating pool in the DC area. I'm not naiive enough to think that women in other areas of the country and world don't also have this problem, but I'm gonna talk about the folks I know the best. While I see what they're saying, I've considered myself to be pretty "lucky in love", so to speak. I have fun dating, end up in relatively fulfilling relationships, and when they're over, I'm able to learn the lesson and move on.
I generally operate on a three strikes and you're out system. This is the easiest way I've been able to find, to keep myself from wasting my time on a perfectly nice guy, who just can't seem to get it together. There are, however, different things that can benefit or work against a man in these instances. If we go a long period of time without you using a strike, then your first strike may not actually be counted against you...or say for instance, you have a couple strikes, but have been on your best behavior, you might be granted a mulligan for the next strike...and so forth and so on. On the flip side, finding out that you're married; live with someone; have undisclosed children; a drug problem; or look like a woman when you drop your pants, etc. will get you a good three strikes for the price of one and discharged from the game.
I recently started dating this guy...very handsome, attentive (read: octopus), great personality, great job, well travelled, worldly...blah blah blah...all of the things that make us give a man the right phone number. I was very pleased with his communication style, everything was going great. For all intents and purposes, he should've been a front runner in the race for...I don't know...whatever "the roster" is racing for...y'all know what it is, lol. Things were cool, but there was just something about him that didn't totally sit well with me. At first, I thought it was because he was a hard blinker; and then I definitely didn't like the fact that he didn't have a presence on any social networking medium.
Strike #1...On our first date (lunch...ok), he left his wallet in his office...I had to pay. This might be a big no no for most folks, and believe me, it was an eyebrow raiser for me, but it's not that big of a deal. I don't mind paying, and he was adament about paying me back (which he did within two hours), but wild stuff has happened to all of us, and one must wonder...just a bit. While the situation was quickly rectified, he still got his first strike because it happened so doggone early. Strike #2 Weird and not easily explained living situation (no details necessary, I just didn't like it, lol). Strike #3 After date #5million in ten days, I finally let him drive me to my house...As I walk up the path to my building, I turn, and this fool is through the light and turning the corner. SIR, I could've been raped, pillaged, murdered, kidnapped by martians, or any other manner of death and distruction and you would never know, because you were already home in bed, by the time I got to my front door!!
His strike #3 is the perfect example of a "three for one" type of deal. When I'm dropping off my 6'4' 285lb brother, I wait until he gets in the door before driving off. It's a TOTAL deal breaker for me. At any rate, I got a text from him when he made it home (as I was walking down the hall to my apartment door, lol). I didn't respond. He called the next day, I sent him to voicemail. After about a week or so of him calling and texting, I assume he got the picture, and stopped trying.
I don't by any means claim to have the blueprint on dating and relationships, but I think I've had enough experiences to have learned some valuable lessons. I've also been blessed to not only have learned those lessons, but to also have the intelligence to take heed. How many times have we seen the warning signs that a dude is just not the one for us? I would venture to say, that every relationship that ends, does so, for a reason that we identified and ignored, very early on. What makes us ignore them? I'm not just talking about women, because I woul venture to say that men do the same things.
I'm sure there are a bunch of different reasons that people ignore or settle in to live with, these red flags. Some of them are deep seeded, others, not so much. My approach may be a little on the unforgiving side, but I have no reason to modify it at present. I implore the victims of shallow dating pools everywhere to evaluate your dating history. The things that you put up with, the reasons why, and your results. Most importantly, study your contribution to these situations. Before even the first strike, there was something that I couldn't put my finger on, about this man, but I kept moving with it, because he was "perfect". Turns out, he would leave me in the desert as dinner for hyenas, that is, unless I invited him upstairs (which I never did, btw).
I had lunch with this guy a couple of months ago, about a year after the third strike. It seems that his living situation is a little less tricky and his wallet was on his person this time. I never did tell him the real reasons why I stopped answering his calls, he thinks it was a combination of me moving to LA and getting caught up in the remnants of a previous relationship...I really can't remember what I told him. As we were leaving the restaurant, he pulled me into an embrace and tried to kiss me in the mouth, and with sphinx-like reflexes I dodged the smooch, and planted one on his cheek. He stepped back, smiled, hailed a cab, got in, and waved as it drove off...and there I was, in the desert (of Logan Circle), with the hyenas...but not at all surprised, lol.