Sunday, November 30, 2008

Blogging again...

Good Morning All!!

I've been toying with the idea of starting up the blog thing for a little while, and I woke up this morning with an urge to here I am. I'm not quite sure what I'll write about just yet, but I'm sure something will come to me, and it'll be comical, if nothing else, but will hopfully make you go hmmmm....

I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving. I went to North Carolina to visit my uncle, along with the rest of my family from the DMV. We had a really good time. We spent the majority of the trip eating, playing phase 10, Wii, and Rock Band. It was awesome! I will say this though....I ate a ridiculous amount of food. I know what you're thinking; that's what Thanksgiving is about...but seriously, I went overboard. Friday night I literally fell asleep eating. I woke up at 3 am with a fork in my hand and a plate in my's too much, lol. Not to mention the fact that my only means of physical exercise is yoga, which I missed ALL last week...back on the wagon tomorrow....

SOOOO much has happened since I last blogged, I don't even know where to begin; or even if I should. I will say this....the most important thing that has happened in this lifetime, and by default, since the last time I blogged, is Barak Obama being elected the president of the United States of America!! I was so overcome with emotion the night of the election, I cried like a baby...literally. And then of course ventured out into the streets to share in the celebratory mayhem that errupted around the city. I truly don't know what McCain was even thinking when he entered this race. I'm going to to tell you what I THINK he was thinking, "No nigger is going to beat me to the White House...the american people just won't allow it". Who's got egg on their face now, homie?

I always give a personal update at the beginning of a new era of blogging, and I'm happy to report that all is well. I recently purchased a condo, and I'll be completely honest and say that it's probably the scariest thing that I've ever done, lol. Don't get me wrong, I'm ok...but there's the added stress of ALL of the responsibility that comes along with being a homeowner. It all came full circle this weekend when I was asking my uncle about a problem I was having with my dishwasher, and he said, "In your apartment? You better call the maintenance man to come look at it!" I said, "Uncle Gary, it's a condo...there's no man." And we both had a good laugh about that one. Then I came home and....FIXED IT MYSELF. It turns out that the water was shut off, but still, I did it myself, lol. Next if we can just figure out how to get the durn smoke detector to stop beeping, we'll be in business. I changed the battery and everything, and it just won't stop!

In a previous blog, I reference a conversation I had with my pastor in which he suggested that I ask God to "put me to sleep"; so I did. And true to form, God did exactly what I asked Him to do. The funny thing is, I'd forgotten what I'd asked, and couldn't figure out why I was so uninterested in everyone; men that is. Some of the nicest, most attractive, successful, and seemingly perfect men have been trying their hardest to "get at" me, and I've been totally and completely unphased by them and their advances. So much so, that I'd resigned to dating one guy, that was NOTHING like what I wanted in my mate, irritated me to high heaven, and was...shall we say...lacking...ahem...where it matters most. And on top of ALLLL of this, he wasn't all that bright, and was trying to play me!!! LOL. Not really trying to play me, but trying to run his high school game on me, and it served as a constant source of comic relief, but irritated me nonetheless.

As mentioned previously, I woke up this morning with the urge to blog, and before beginning this post, I decided to read over the others, and I came across "Put Me to Sleep", and remembered that this nonchalant attitude toward romance or anything of the sort was exactly what I'd asked for. And I'm so glad I read this, because I was beginning to think there was something wrong with me, lol. I think the real significance of this revelaltion is that I feel like He's waking me up. Don't get me wrong, this is no mushy profession of my love for someone, or an admission that I've found my soulmate or anything like that. Please understand that when the time comes to share that, it will not be in this forum. But what it is, is an acknowledgement that I feel something that I haven't felt in a really long time. Something that I feared I would never feel again. Please understand that I am not one of these women that thinks that my life isn't complete without a man. I will admit that I used to be. There's a saying that the easiest way to get over one man is to get under another one, lol. The problem here is that this actually works...but eventually it spirals out of control...and you lose yourself. Mainly because you don't know what you want, all you want is not to feel what you're feeling, and essentially you turn into someone that is chasing whatever will keep you from being alone. And then you wonder, "when did I become this person?". You give so much of yourself in a relationship that in the end, you have to take time to get it all back. I think God was waiting for me to get that, before allowing me to "feel" again.

Some of you may be wondering why I'm even sharing this. When I started writing this blog, I was going through something. Not this particular post, but the very first one in this series, back in April. I don't think there's anyone that knows all of the details of all that I went through, but nevertheless, it was a lot. In many of the cases that I was giving advice, or making pacts, I was doing it in an effort to get MYSELF through something, and take you all along for the ride. It was such a great feeling to hear from people that the things I shared also helped them through their trials. So essentially, I was giving myself advice too, and I think you all deserve to know how it all worked itself out. I can honestly say, God has done everything that He promised. Back in January, I would've never thought it was possible...and there were times that I got a glimpse of hope toward healing, but no real concrete conclusion to the process. The funny thing about emotional healing is that you don't know it's happened until you've forgotten you even needed it. OHHHH and I Thank God!!! (I know someone is tinkling on themself for that one, lol) So to everyone that finds themselves going through an emotional healing process, just be encouraged and know that there is an end insight. You just have to see it through to the end. It's not fun, it hurts, and you'll even feel quite numb at certain times...but you'll get through it. And just when you realize that you're happy, and complete, all by yourself, you'll find that you're able to feel things you'd forgotten how to feel. It's like riding a bike, lol.