Wednesday, February 25, 2009

What's Good for the Goose, is Good for the Gander....

One of the reasons this blog is so easy to write, is that I run my mouth quite a bit. Not in the traditional sense, but I love to get with a group of friends and yak it up...about any and everything. A conversation that continues to emerge, as of late, concerns men (of course), and their increasing inability to have a "no strings attached", physical relationship. This is in no way to imply that women have the blueprint on this, because CLEARLY, women have been trippin' over FB's for YEARS.

The point in a woman's life when she finally embraces the notion that you don't have to see your future husband in every man with whom you enter a physical relationship, is an utterly freeing experience. Further, you realize there are some people you just want to screw, (and why shouldn't you, you beautiful, liberated, sexual butterfly!!). (DISCLAIMER: This is not condoning "rolling" or "whoreism", a lady knows when to say when, lol...seriously.) You don't care what happens in his life when you all aren't together. You don't care about his job, dreams, family, or his life. And you expect him to feel the same way concerning you. Why should you have to bore yourself to tears, sharing meals with, and exchanging mindless text messages, and phone conversations when all you want to do is screw?

I've attempted this kind of thing a few times, and much to my dismay, it blew up in my face, lol. I was in a different kind of place, emotionally. I'd been out of a serious relationship for about five months, I knew that I wasn't totally ready to get back into another one, but I also wasn't interested in continuing along my "I don't think I'll ever let anyone touch me again" rant either (we can be so dramatic when our hearts have been broken). So, I embarked on my journey to find an FB. There was no one I'd been with in the past that was appealing AND available, so it was time for someone new. I chose him, and was all too pleased to find out that he favored discretion and had no desire to do anything but "have some fun". So we did, for a while, and then he realized just how serious I was about just having fun, and even more so, the discretion. So he began to trip because, "you don't acknowledge me when we're in public", or "how could you bring another dude here", or "why don't you ever call me just to say hi?". HUH?!!! Needless to say, I ended that quick and easy...

The real problem here was that he started to act like a girl...I am not now, nor have I ever even considered lesbianism. I think girls are gross, I have no desire to talk to one, touch one, or spend any real time with any, other than those that have already gone through the vetting process required to be considered one of my girlfriends. I hate girls so much, sometimes I even disgust myself (not really, but I want to make sure you get the point). So even the SLIGHTEST hint of female tendencies in a man, makes me feel like I'm being forced into lesbianism...I mean seriously, what's the next step after dating a "girly" boy? Blatant lesbianism...

The main thing I love about real men, is that they aren't girls. I'm a girl. I cry; I get super pissed over really dumb stuff; and then cry again; I'm moody; I'm jealous; I have all kinds of irrational fears; I'm late for EVERYTHING; I'm stubborn; it takes me FOREVER to get dressed; I can be a nag; I could go on for weeks, but I won't. I think you get the jist. Being with a real man, neutralizes this craziness. Now, when you start acting like a girl, it forces me to infuse some testosterone in the relationship and start acting like a man. And now the natural order of things is all screwed up.

So, back to the question at hand...why can't some guys (more than you think), handle it when a woman just wants to keep things very casual? And why is the woman that is cool with something like this, considered heartless, cold blooded, or (depending upon who's telling the story) a whore? Anytime I've tried to have an FB, the most important part for me has been to keep it a secret. Why? Because, a woman that only wants to screw you is a slut, that's why (not to mention, in most cases, these aren't my kind of people). The world can't seem to grasp the idea that all women don't see a future with every man with whom she's involved. She would be psycho to even consider it. Why is it ok for a man to want to "just kick it", but it's not ok for a woman to want the same thing. So essentially we all fall into one of three categories..."desperate and delusional", "happy and attached" (every warm blooded woman's ultimate goal, right? lol), or "Whore-slut-bitch-freak-heartbreaker". Pick your teams ladies...t-shirt orders are due by close of business friday ;)

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

What's the point?

Let's talk about commitment. What does commitment mean? It's defined as; an act of committing to a charge or trust; something pledged; the state or an instance of being obligated or emotionally impelled. It's also a word that will send some people to cloud 9, and send others to the emergency room with an allergic reaction. As a youngster, the assignment of a "title" in a relationship is the ultimate show of commitment. It means I'm your girl, and you're my man, and we are committed to be together forever, right? No. What it really means, is that you can't be with anyone else but me. And if you do, it gives me the right to go all the way off. So, to this effect commitment has become a license to assign fault. Afterall, if we don't "go together" technically, I can do whatever I want, right? Technically...yes. But we know that doesn't always pan out like that.

I remember being in a "relationship" with a guy in undergrad, and like every other boy in college, he wasn't ready to commit to anything but carte blanche on the booty. I was a little bit smarter than him, though ;), I told him, "look, you don't have to make me your girl, but I'm not going to continue to sleep with you, if you start sleeping with someone else, so if you do, just let me know. We can still be cool, but the physical part of our relationship will be over" (like I was ever in danger of this level of honesty). With this statement, and his acquiescence to it, I was afforded the advantages of "commitment", without him even knowing it. Basically, if you don't tell me you slept with someone else, I have the right to be upset because you agreed to tell me if you did. The push for commitment in this situation, is an attempt to keep you from being with anyone else. But the reality is, someone can call you their girl, and make a "commitment" to you, but there's no way in the world you can control their actions.

I was talking to my Evelyn yesterday about a similar topic and this is what we came up with. Guys aren't really concerned with how you feel about anyone but them. They don't really care how you feel about your ex, or that nigga you work with, or even your current boyfriend (if that's your situation). Not women. We want to know how you feel about your momma and your sisters (aunts and cousins too), any past girlfriends (whether you still see them or not), all the women at work, all your female friends and their friends too, and any other woman you may or may not come in contact with that can take you away from me. Is this not the most ridiculous and psycho thing you've ever heard in your life?! Who has the time or energy to keep up with this? I got tired just generating the list!

As stated previously, you can't control someone actions nor their feelings. Commitment isn't the chain by which you keep me from being with anyone else. However, unfortunately that's how it's used in most cases.

So, the question becomes, as an intelligent, feeling, and aware adult, why would one push for commitment under these circumstances. I mean honestly, if a commitment is no guarantee that you won't just do whatever you want to do anyway, why want it, why ask for it, why have it? It's like a car with airbags on the spec list, but when you get in a crash, none come out.

Here's the answer: You don't commit (or ask for commitment) to keep your mate from being with someone else. You commit because YOU don't want to be with anyone else. The only actions in the world you can control, are your own. At the point that you realize, you don't want to be with anyone else, you've already committed. And the same way no one can change your actions against commitment, no one can change them FOR it either.