Thursday, January 29, 2009


I read a lot of books, I listen to a lot of music, I write a lot of stuff, and sing a lot. I've been blessed to be given beautiful prose and write a song or a poem, or hear/read something that speaks to me or my situation, or that of someone else. But it's rare that I share it...I keep it to myself, for all kinds of reasons. The writing is freeing, so I do it for me, and not other people, so I keep it. If I hear something profound, I keep it...for me. But I came to realize, this morning as I was on the train, that the blessing of composition whether it be words or sounds...has been given to me so that I might share it with someone that needs it.

Something happened in my life yesterday that was earth shattering, and has already proven to be life changing, for myself and many others. And there was something that was given to me a while ago, that if I'd shared it, may have given some hope in a seemingly hopeless situation. Have you ever heard a song, or read a poem that expressed exactly how you felt? A poem or a song can't fix a problem...but going through something and not having the ability to express it can be just as confining as the problem itself. This is what I would've shared...

Chains...that try to bind me
Chains...that won't let me go
Chains...they keep me from trying
Chains...please loose your strong hold
Chains...though I try to surrender
Chains...yet I still remember....
Whom the son sets free, is truly free indeed
Lord, please free me from these chains.

Chains...I'm a heart full of sorrow
Chains...I won't sleep well tonight because of these
Chains...How I long for tomorrow...
Because today, there are no tears left to cry...
Chains....Though it feels cold like winter
Chains...I will fight to remember...
That by your stripes, I'm healed....
To your heart, Lord, I appeal
Please free me from these chains...

of abuse
pain from my past,
that robs my peace of mind
chains of divorce
addiction and fear
being afraid to die
and afraid to live
chains of depression
(haven't laughed in a while)
restore my joy
and give me back my smile
I do love you, Jesus
(but not like I should)
I love you, Father
(but not like I could)
have mercy on me
I can't go on this way
save me, I'm lost
help me believe what you say
"This is just a test, though it's hard to see"
I win
so now I ask you...

Please, free me from these chains....

I've decided that I'm going to share what's been given to me. Whether I'm given the words directly, or they come from someone else. Keeping with the thinking that everything happens for a reason, I don't believe that God gives me profound things to say for my benefit alone. Neither does he put me in the path to hear such things and not share them. So this is the first (well not the first, I kinda did this Tuesday too) of many entries that will very simply be me sharing words or art. I hope they serve a purpose in someone's life...

R.I.P Troy Vallenta

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

I want you to...

write me a poem
tell me about the scent of musk at the nape of my neck
that you dream of spending sultry summer days between
my breasts
that if you could taste me
it would be mangoes and tropical breezes on your tongue
keeping you up at 2am
for weeks
staring at black ceilings
legs entwined in sheets
wiping your brow
wondering when the next will be
seduce me
write me a poem
drop those weak pick up lines
and overwhelm me with quotes from Nerudas 100 love sonnets
tell me i walk in beauty like the night
trace the lines in the palm of my left hand
then read and whisper their meaning to me
tell me my life line crosses your destiny
imprint your words on me like overnight scratchmarks
leave butterflies in my stomach
with honeysuckle syllables
that remind me of first kisses
and holding hands at recess
seduce me
write me a poem
that prays my name
and preaches our passion
chant a litany of our lovemaking to come
under your breath
with the faith of withered hands holding rosaries in cathedrals
until images of us entwined in each other
burn themselves inside our minds
like incense at mass
seduce me
write me a poem
with your eyes
lock glances for a moment
across a crowded room
soft smirk on full lips
and a slow deliberate blink followed by a flutter of
that says
damn I wish...
seduce me
write me a poem
with your body
approach me with the certainty of the tide
move to me without doubt or question
make me your origin
and your destination
let music be the catalyst that lets our bodies meet
spin me in an out of conga rhythms
lead me into a Coltrane wail
grind me into the bass-line
of between the sheets...
then pull me close enough
to feel our hearts beat together
when we dance
seduce me
write me a poem
that speaks of our timelessness
remind me it was you I loved in a past life
on some faraway continent
tell me I carry you in my genes
that I can't forget you if I tried
that our memories are engraved into eternity
that time is just a theory to us
seduce me
write me a poem
that needs no words
compose a silent sonnet on soft bare skin
where your caress on exposed back
speaks that syllable I need to hear you
a poem
where melding bodies become
the book
where shallow breathing becomes prose
seduce me
inspire me to write you the poem
that shows you how to love me

Friday, January 9, 2009

If I don't, who will?

I have a number of incomplete blogs that I will do my best to complete over the weekend. As a result of that, you will notice that there will blogs that appear in line before this one. It's just the way blogger does it, don't think you missed anything, lol. I just wanted to talk today (very briefly) about self-esteem and self worth.

Something that always bothers me is this comment, that on occasion comes up when people (haters) are talking about me. "Myra thinks she's the sh*t". I'll be honest, upon first hearing this, I want to rebut with, "No I don't!!!" This feeling is reminiscent of the feeling I used to get when I was younger and people (haters) would say things like "you think you cute because you have long hair" or, "you think you special because you can sing", or "you think you like that", and I would scream "No I don't!!!!". But the truth is, that's a lie. I do think I'm the sh*t. When I was younger, I thought I was cute because I had long hair, I thought I was special because I can sing, and I did (and still do) think I'm "like that". This is a concept that many people perceive as conceit, when in actuality it's a little something called self esteem. I can understand why there is so much confusion, as there is such an alarming lack of self esteem among women in general, especially in this area (never heard this from a man).

I think the reason the comments bother me so much is that 1. for a brief second I'm made to feel like I should apologize for being who I am; 2. I may have a strong sense of self worth, and very high self esteem, but I never...EVER make anyone feel like they are anything other than on my level. No matter who you're wearing, how beat your face it, the car you drive, your economic status, or even how you treat me...I do my best to treat everyone as the beautiful children of God that they are. Life deals people all different hands of cards, but we are all on the same playing field when it comes to our spirit and soul. And THAT'S what matters to me. Above all else, I can't ever remember saying "so and so thinks he's/she's the sh*t". Seriously, what am I supposed to think, that I'm "aight"...ABSOLUTELY NOT. I don't think it gets any hotter than me...and you should feel the same way about you.

You're saying two things when you make the comment "Myra thinks she's the sh*t", 1. That you don't think you are and 2. That you secretly think I am. So now I ask you, if not me...then who?! Don't punish me for loving myself when you hate you.