Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Is That REALLY How You Feel?

Ok, I'm blogging again, I think that's enough of an intro, don't you, lol?

Ok, so there's this lady that does vlogs on relationships, mostly about how women should treat men, and the latest one that's gone viral is her talking about how it's ok for your man to cheat, it's in his nature, he'll always come back home because that's where he's being fed; then in the next breath she goes on about how the only reason he left in the first place was because he wasn't being fed; sexually, physically, emotionally, etc...blah blah blah. She goes on to say that monogamy was created by Europeans and that from the beginning of all time, men had multiple wives, and will therefore never be faithful...unless he's being fed at home. There's a metaphor about domesticating cats, and how if you let them out in the wild, they'll revert to their natural instincts, but always come home, so they can eat. She talks in a few different circles, some of it was good stuff, some of it didn't make any sense at all. She does all of this while cooking a meal in her kitchen, it was cute.

Whenever I see posts like this, it makes me wonder if this thought process is genuine, or is it born from a place where a woman constantly finds herself being cheated on, and rather than wait for a man who respects her and their relationship enough not to stick his thing in any hole that will open up to him, she's come up with this idea that it's not her, but it's in a male's human nature to want and pursue multiple sexual partners. OR it could be something completely different, the "Sports, Sex, and Food" concept, where a woman becomes well versed (at least on the surface and in public) in things that will garner attention from multitudes of men, and thereby making her the "ideal" woman. Kinda like the girls in high school and college that learned how to cornrow, just so that the boys would always want her around.

But, again, my question becomes, "is this REALLY" how you feel?!". I mean, don't get me wrong, if you can honestly allow your man to go out and have sex with other women, and be comforted in the fact that he doesn't love them, and will always come home to you, that's cool. If you like it, I love it. But I'd then like to know where this came from? What made you come to this conclusion? I would hope that it is not some form of settling because you think this is the only way that you can get someone to love you; or maybe not even love you, but to be with you. And do you get to do the same thing? If you see a hot one in the grocery store, is it ok for you to slip in the butcher's closet for a PURELY physical rendevous, as long as you still make it home to cook up the groceries you just bought?

Have things gotten so bad, that we have completely forgotten about AIDS and other STDs, and will throw all caution to the wind just to keep a man? And please don't talk to me about condoms, because half the time these men aren't using them...and then he comes home and sleeps with you, and doesn't use them then either. Have you forgotten the spiritual connection that comes along with sleeping with someone, whether you love them or not? There really is something to the saying that, when you sleep with someone, you're sleeping with everyone else they've ever slept with; and it's not just talking about the physical part of those partners either. I can't really go too far into that one without this becoming a whole different blog, so I'll digress.

Please don't misunderstand me. I'm a firm believer that it is important for a man to be cared for and nurtured on every level at home. I'm also a firm believer that in many, if not most cases, infidelity only becomes a possibility when a man isn't getting all of his needs satisfied at home. This could mean many different things though. You might not even be equipped to give this particular man all that he needs to be fulfilled. And don't fool yourself, if you can't, you will know this early on, and would be a complete idiot to even try.

There is a school of thought that asserts that people should strive to live in "circles of love", in which they get many different things from different partners, and everyone ends up fulfilled and totally happy. I can understand this manner of thinking, and while it's not for me, upon further investigation, in situations where it functions properly, I can see how it would work for some people. And how could you do anything but respect a lifestyle that promotes total and complete fulfillment. Again, if you like it, I love it.

I guess my real question is this...why would you want to completely give yourself to someone who won't do the same for you, if this is something that you require? I'm not talking about casual situations. I'm talking about a committed relationship, in which you have taken on the responsibility for the total well-being of another person. If this is what you require, why change your non-negotiables just because you're lonely? How low does your self-esteem have to be for you to sit at home waiting for your man to come in from the wild and enjoy the space that you've created for him? And how impossibly low is the number of your self worth, to think that this is best you can hope for?

My largest issue here, is how lop-sided the concept is. If your man can also understand that you too, may want to engage in the occasional tryst, and will always come back to him, then y'all go ahead and swing it up...and I can totally get with it. But if you feel this way, because you think it's the only way that you stand a chance at keeping a man, then darling, I'm afraid, you just aren't ready for a man at all, and need to take some serious time working on you.