I'm just feeling a little goofy today, so forgive me. This one probably won't be that long, and I can almost promise it won't be insightful, but it should make you chuckle. Soooo...I've come across quite a few delusional people as of late. And I'd like to talk about that today. I always wonder, when people make things up about themselves, what has to be going through they're mind when they tell these "stories" in the presence of people who really know the truth. For example a man with a small penis should never...and I mean never...engage in a conversation about sex...ESPECIALLY, when there's a woman in the room that knows what he isn't working with. Now, we all know that you can gauge a man's sexual prowess against how much he brags about it, and in most cases it's an opposite correlation. However, as adults, we engage in intelligent conversations about sex. Nothing in the realm of "Oh I put it DOWN", but a healthy exchange of opinions, feelings, tips, etc. Have you ever been in one of these conversations with a dude that you KNOW can't do ANYTHING, let alone the things that he's leading the other unassuming participants in the conversation to believe. And you kinda sit there with a blank stare like, there's no way I can be a party to this foolishness. You lose all interest in the conversation, because it has become a joke. Just a small tangent here...how do you tell the little man that he's little? I mean seriously, how do you tell a man that you broke up with him because his penis looks like a finger...not your finger, sir...MY finger! Don't get me started. Back to the topic at hand...
Delusional people. Facebook is the hottest thing in life right now. And of course, we all know every detail of everyone's life as a result of facebook...Im nosy as hell, so I'm in heaven. But I've been noticing a lot of people attaching comments to their pics that make absolutely no sense. I was on an old associate's page today, and he had a pic up of him and his daughter. The caption said, "my twin"...huh?! You're light, she's dark...you're fat as hell, she's petite...she has almond shaped eyes, I can't remember anything about your eyes, so they can't be that special....this is not your twin...unless of course you look nothing like your father, and then you would be twins in that respect, but clearly not in the traditional sense.
One of my favorite delusional people is the non singer. By this I don't mean, the person that just isn't a singer, can hold a note, but just isn't a SANGA. No, I'm talking about the folks that DO sing, but can't. The best way to describe it I think, is this....You know how you kinda feel indifferent about some people. Like, you don't dislike them, you don't particularly like them, you just don't have a feeling about them either way...they haven't done anything to you, or anything like that, they just aren't your cup of tea. That's the person that can hold a note, but knows they aren't a singer, so they don't push it. Now think about somebody that jumps up and down on your last nerve, whenever you're around them...that's how I feel about the true non-singers. OMG, WHY are you singing...and loudly?! It makes my skin crawl...and I wonder...how is it that you've gotten to this age and no one has told you how horrible you sound?! I blame the parents of these people. More parents should be like my girl, Belle's, dad. She stood in up front of him as a child and belted out "The Greatest Love of All", but didn't get through the whole thing because her father said, "Oh no, what are you doing? You can't sing! But you know what you can do? You can read. Now why don't you go on in the other room and do that?". Even though her heart may have been a little broken, she went in the room and read....read her way right through college, grad school, and into a very successful career.
Finally, I would like to talk about adult runners. Not people that run for recreation or exercise. I'm talking about adults that run to catch trains, buses, planes, or the adult that is running for no aparent reason. I can more understand running for a plane or an amtrak train...missing it may cost money, and they don't come as frequently. But I'll be son of a gun if you catch me RUNNING for a metro train, when another one is five minutes behind it. But let's stay on track here. We're talking about people with a skewed senses of reality. If you are standing at the light on Minnesota Ave and you see your train pull into the station across the street, it is totally irrational to think you are going to make it across the street, down the escalator, through the gate, and back UP the escalator to the platform...so why are you running? I won't even run up the escalator if I hear the train pulling into the station and I'm at the bottom of the escalator to the platform...another one will be there in FOUR MINUTES! The flip side to this, and maybe even more hilarious are the people that get to the fare card machines and see that the train will be there in 7 minutes, and they make a MAD DASH for the platform, and when you take your time down the escalator, you see them standing there, out of breath and sweating, catching the EXACT same train you just strolled onto.
In closing, let's try to stay as close to reality as possible people. Let's be reasonable...stop running for no reason...stop lying on people...or yourself to make you look better. If you miss the train, there's another one coming...don't freak out. If you have a little dick, be nice. This is not rocket science...
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