The greatest disappointment of my life in recent weeks has been Beyonce's re-emergence (is this a word?) on "the scene". I would like to preface allll of the coming statements by saying that I LOVE Beyonce. I'm a great big ole fan. Ok, I said it...now just keep all of that in mind as you read on. Ain't nothin' fierce about the A OR B side of "I am...Sasha Fierce". Jam and I had a listening party and let me just say...the cd ruined the party. I can't help but think, that this piss poor performance is what we would've been getting from Beyonce all along, had she been given the freedom to choose her own music from day 1. This gives me a new found respect for Poppa Knowles, and really does make me believe that she wouldn't be where she is today, if it hadn't been for him. Who woulda thunk it? Matthew Knowles isn't just a crazed pageant dad living vicariously through his children...the man really does know what he's doing. Hopefully he'll take back the reins before she goes too far over the edge...I will NOT blindly buy another cd from Beyonce...I will download a pirated copy of the next album, like every other skeptical american, in hopes that she has come back from the dark side...but I'm not willing to spend the $9.99 to find out. The whole thing was horrible. You've already heard the tolerable tracks on the radio...anything else on the album truly isn't worth the time you'd spend listening to it....trust me....However, I am just as adament about the fact that Jam and I absolutely WILL be going to see Bey at Madison Square Garden when the tour begins for what has now become a Jam-My shopping extravaganza/Beyonce world tour tradition. I told you I love the girl...
Next, let's talk about church this weekend in North Carolina. Let me start by saying that my Uncle Ricky has a beautiful church in Greenville, and the day after Thanksgiving, his church gave him an appreciation service. It was perfect timing, as we were all in town for the holiday and we all got to go. It was like a Moore Family talent show (see my sermonic solo here) but not without PLENTY of comedy. There is so much talent in my family, that it just makes me sick when I think about us not being the Jackson's (they don't have ANYTHING on us, Michael's the only one that can even sing!!). Anyway, All the Moore's in town were on the program. I would honestly say that only one performance was notable, but it won't be quite as funny without hearing this other part first...
So we get to the church, and take our seats. One of the evangelists gets up and begins devotion service....she starts with a series of scriptures...the funny part about this, is that she repeated the scripture four times before actually reading each passge. Picture this..."1 Corinthians 2:8-12...1 Corinthians 2:8-12...1 Corinthians 2:8-12....1 Corinthians 2:8-12"...I felt like I was playing BINGO or going crossed eyed or something. I wanted to scream, "just read the verses, I don't even have a bible with me, it's not even like I can read along with you!!!" So she goes on like this for 4 more passages of scripture...and ten minutes later, she begins the praise and worship portion of the service. She sings about five songs...and I won't comment on the quality of voice, because her praise was so pure and genuine that I KNOW it was sweet in the Lord's ears. What I will comment on though, is the "special" child on the drums. There was no keyboard player as of yet...but don't worry, he comes in later in the story...and this woman was singing sweet songs of praise...and this child is going off on the drums like Animal from the muppets the ENTIRE time she's singing. I think what blew me away more than anything else, is the fact that this was no cause for alarm for ANYONE else in the church except for those that came with me from the DMV. I tried to maintain my composure, but my baby brother Jeremiah....not so much, lol. So the lady opens up testimony service. Before anyone can think to get up and say anything....up jumps this man. Now...what we don't know is that he has brought his karaoke machine with him...he stands up and pulls a microphone out of his pocket and begins to talk...he pulls a tape out of the other pocket and proceeds to put it in the machine behind him. I text my baby brother and say, "If this man is loading mood music for his tesitmony...I'm outta here, lol". But what he did was sooooooo much better. He loaded a track for accompaniment to the song he wanted to sing for his testimony. The good part is that the man sounded just like Aaron Neville...the brother could BLOW, but this is testimony service, NOT Showtime at the Apollo.
There were numerous other tidbits that thoroughly tickled me, but I'll end with this one. Jeremiah text me and said, "Uncle Ricky plays the piano now?". I look up, and my uncle is sitting behind the keyboard, and banging away...and when I say banging...I mean banging. The keyboard was so loud that you couldn't even hear the people talking on the mic over the noise. My second cousin, Ricky IV, was on the program to sing a song. Imagine a little boy, 9 1/2, that wants to sing a song for his grandfather's appreciation service. He's a real boy...plays video games all day...football...is always into trouble...that kinda thing...but he likes to sing, so when asked what he wanted to do on the program...he said he was going to sing "Oh Give Thanks". As the service went on, he began to panic because he forgot how the song ends. I explained to him that this is the easiest problem to have because, usually if you can start it, the words will just come to you. But nevertheless, we went over it in our seats, and when they called his name, he was ready to go! He got up there and sang the first few notes of his song, and as if hit by a ton of bricks, my uncle's face lights up! And he give a look that says, "I KNOW THIS SONG!!!", and he DASHES for the keyboard. True to form he begins to bang on the keys and scares the living daylights out of Ricky IV....so now Uncle Ricky decides he's going to modulate the song...and now little Ricky is confused. So after he modulates, Uncle Ricky proceeds to play the song for about ten times longer than I'm sure little Ricky planned on singing it. So this poor child has gone from being scared that he's going to forget the words, to...being totally excited that he knows them and this whole thing is going over well...to being scared pissless because hs grandfather is playing the world's loudest keyboard behind him... and BADLY...to being totally confused by this thing called modulation...to being bored out of his mind because the song has gone on ten minutes longer than he ever anticipated singing it, lol. And all of this is going on while the man with the karaoke machine is gearing up for his next selection. It was like a scene out of a "Where's Waldo" puzzle...absolute chaos...I couldn't have asked for better, lol.
2 comments:
I'm glad to see someone was disapointed in Mega B like I was :-)
Riri lives on!!
LOL, yes she does...
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