As many of you know, I sing in a band. The band is pretty popular and has a regular following. Most of which are loyal fans that have followed the band since it's inception in the '90's. There are quite a few things that I love about being apart of the band. The comraderie, the creative outlet; of course, the perks that come along with being in a band, the fans, and many other things. Then of course there are the things that I don't like so much. Since these things are few and far between, I'm just going to talk about the thing...or should I say "things"...that bother me the most....GROUPIES.
I think I owe it to all of the fans to clarify the difference between a fan and a groupie. A fan is someone that loves the artist, the work they do, and gives unyielding support to all of the efforts of the artist. They may even have personal relationships with members of the band, as they have spent a considerable amount of time with them, in all types of social settings, and it isn't uncommon to have a friendly drink, or share a meal with a fan. I LOVE the fans. They're lots of fun, and are what it's all really about. I will also say that some of my dearest friends are people that I've met at shows, fans are the greatest.
The clearest difference I can think of between a fan and a groupie is that a fan will tell you when you didn't do so well...a groupie wouldn't dare. A groupie, is a completely different breed. They can be male AND female. A groupie is one that will do whatever is necessary, even forfeit their own personal values, goals, ambitions, etc., to be "accepted" by the band. They spend their money buying drinks, food, clothes, gas...whatever. I think you get the picture.
The motivation for this blog came as I was speaking with a good friend this morning, and she told me about the pickle that a well known groupie in the area, has found herself in. This poor child made the mistake of sleeping with someone that she thought was going to be her "ticket" into the inner circle. Not only did she give up the bootie, but she then tried to position herself to be wifey. Much to her dismay, and embarrassment, homeboy didn't want anything to do with her...past the boot knockin', of course. Now, I will give her kudos in that, she definitely went for the gusto in her choice, but I think she shot a little too high, lol. She's a little country and plain... But, you know what they say, shoot for the moon and even if you miss, you'll still be among the stars. But I digress....
So...in an effort to regroup, she then begins "talking" to one of the lesser players...and really starts to get in there. The boy likes her, takes her out. Shows her a good time. He's cool enough, drives a nice car, knows all the right people...he's the king of fake pimpin'. (By "fake pimpin'" I mean, he doesn't have any connections of his own. No real identity outside of the people he knows and the places THEY'VE taken him.) So she's thinkin', this ain't half bad...I guess I'll settle for this guy. But what she doesn't consider is that these two men, (we'll call them Hollywood and Fake Pimpin'), are very close friends. And she TOTALLY underestimates the male ego, and doesn't think it'll be a problem. And of course, because God has such a crazy sense of humor, Fake Pimpin' finds out that his lady love screwed and went crazy for Hollywood. Fake Pimpin' is not pleased, and proceeds to tell her that he will NEVER make her his girl, let alone his wife..."but we can still kick it". That's not the worst part...she goes for it because she's so pressed to finally be a part of the "inner circle", no matter how many degrees of separation there are. We won't talk about the issues Fake Pimpin' clearly has, because the thing with Hollywood really shouldn't be that big of a deal (between me and you Fake Pimpin' is a groupie too, so now he feels like she "settled" for him...and his little ego is clearly bruised), but she went for it...WTF?!!
There are a number of problems with this. The girl has put herself in a position where she has now been black listed. She might as well sew a scarlet H (for ho) on all of her clothes and resign to living the rest of her life alone. Why? Hollywood has already made it clear that he doesn't want her. Fake Pimpin' can't get over himself long enough to realize that this area is so small, you can almost gaurantee you'll know someone that your mate has previously been intimate with. But more importantly, she has STAYED with Fake Pimpin' so long, and EVERYONE knows they're together, that she is now OFF LIMITS to everyone else in the city. When will people realize that it's not how many you screw, but WHO you screw. This child has slept with two people in a three year period, and has been labeled a ho...ain't that a shame? More than all of this, she is so short sighted, and groupie-minded (is that a word?), that she can't see that this shouldn't even be a problem for her...just move on, and date someone that has no connection to that circle...but what purpose would that serve in her ultimate goal? This is just one example of how being a groupie can ruin your life, lol (that sounds a lot more serious than it really is).
There's another instance I heard of recently in which a certain groupie was caught in a compromising situation with a local rocker, by his girl...this was not a happy time for any of them. The word got out, now this one is labeled as a homewrecker and a slut...but true to form...she's still alone. I'm not really sure what she hoped to accomplish here.
Groupies live in a world full of delusion. A fairytale land, if you will. They think that what happens at the shows and the parties is real life. When in actuality, it's only a small portion of the reality of each of the members of these bands. While my band is a very important part of my life, it isn't the only part. I think people think that local artists spend their nights at the shows, and anytime we aren't at the club, we're practicing, or getting ready to come back to the club...and that we lead lives of wreckless abandon...drinking, smoking, and partying all day everyday...hanging out with members of other bands, and kickin' with Flexx and Rain all day long. When the reality is that most of us have jobs, all of us have families, many have children, hobbies, and all kinds of other things, very similar to everyone else. So bearing this in mind...when you have a "club relationship" with one of the members of these bands, don't think that it's anymore than that. In most cases, there is a man or woman, waiting for them at home. YOU are not wifey, the woman that rubs his back at night and makes his breakfast in the morning is wifey. I could go on, but again, I digress...
Groupies are a constant source of irritation and humor for me. One in particular amuses me to no end. She's nice enough, I guess. I don't really know her, other than what I've seen at my shows, but this one is so pissed that things haven't worked out for her, that she's mad at the world. It's as comical as pathetic to watch her linger to see if the object of her affection will give her the time of day...and as if it were written before the beginning of time...he never does...ever...and there she stands...with egg on her face.
I think the key to being a groupie that doesn't end up getting their butt beat, is that you have to play your position. Don't try to do too much. Know your role. There's nothing sadder than seeing someone all puffed up full of air, for no legitimate reason. The real danger in this, is that when you're all full of air, it takes little to nothing for you to be deflated. Why would you want to put yourself in a position to be so easily destroyed?
1 comment:
GIRL you sure know how to write...like you said they are living in a fairytale land...its amazing...my father told me at a very young age that as a woman you shouldn't be a fixture...because like you said it will only backfire on you...man oh man
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