Hey Ya'll!
I haven't blogged in a few weeks, because I have been ridiculously busy....I know people say this all the time, but I really mean it. I've been at work EVERYDAY for the past....I can't even think about it. All I know is that I just had my first day off in a number of weeks, on Christmas Day. Needless to say, there hasn't been much time for the blog. I knew it was really bad when I reached in my fridge for a bottle of water and there wasn't any there because I hadn't had time to grocery shop. I knew the situation was futile when when I reached in further and realized there was no wine for the same reason....All in all, the few weeks of non-stop work have paid off and all is well, and I'm back into the swing of things (there's water AND wine in the fridge....and I'm blogging again, lol) .
With so much time having passed since my last blog entry, I have a few topics swimming around in my head. There are few things personally that I could talk about, but I don't know that I want to, lol. There are a few others that have happened to people very close to me since I last wrote, that are still a little too fresh to blog about, directly. But as you have probably gathered from the title of this blog, I will attempt to do so as indirectly as possible.
I've decided that I'm going to start a series out of this "groupie" thing. I want to start by saying that I am not basing the volumes of this series on my band. This is not some sort of secret memoir about the happenings behind the scene of the Uncalled 4 Experience. What it is though, is a collection of thoughts about things that I've witnessed in the many years since I've been going to the club, singing in bands, and just living in general. More than anything, I'm writing because I'm in no position to say these words to these people directly. Either because I don't know them and therefore don't have access to them; I don't care enough about their stupidity to bother; or they're living life and learning lessons that no one can teach but they must experience. Either way, I just want to get off my chest the things I've witnessed in their situations.
I guess it's only fair to first admit that we have all been in a groupie situation before, myself included. While there are extremes, it's important to recognize fault in oneself before attempting to correct it in others. I've been the "barely legal" hottie, that has gained the attention of "that n*gga", only to have my world revolve around his every whim and the sun rise and set on his behind. I think every woman is entitled to play this role, within reason, up until about age 22...MAYBE 23 if you started dating late. But even then, the mere fact that you're an adult should make you very uncomfortable with so much of your happiness depending on any one person to whom you haven't given birth. After that, it's ridiculous. Now, I must also include a sidebar. And that is...this does not mean that a woman should not love and care for a man that is doing the same for her. Nor does it mean that you shouldn't be completely consumed with someone that is consumed with you. But you should never be in so deep that you can't get out if you have to.
Unfortunately, all around the world, the population of women far outweighs that of men. The DC metro area is no exception to this statistic. Then if you eliminate all the bamas, dummies, gays, and deadbeats, that takes the ratio to even greater extremes (lol, I can't believe I actually wrote "bama" in a blog). So, since there are clearly not enough men to go around, what do we do? There are some ladies that take on the task of transforming a cute dummy or bama...more power to you ladies, this is a strategy that might actually work, I just don't have the patience for it. Then you have the hags that are more than happy to get with a fag as long as he will still screw HER on occasion (please don't blast me for using the word "fag", I mean in the most honorable way possible). Then there are those that have shacked up with one of the deadbeats because he's doing SOMETHING right, although I can't imagine what he could possibly doing that would outweigh all of the wrong, like...not having a job, paying child support (because the deadbeats ALWAYS have at least ONE child), or contributing to the household in ANYWAY, etc. etc. So what happens to the ones that are left? Are some of just detined to be alone, convert to homosexuality, or do we have to share them? HELL NO WE DON'T!!!
Never before in my life have I witnessed so many women that are willing to share a man. I've been seeing the situation in which a groupie broad will KNOW that the object of her affection has a family at home, and she will still come running everytime he calls, will abide by whatever rules he sets up for contacting him, will even lie if and when approached by his girl/wife, etc. This kind of groupie has a special name...Homewrecker. Of course, the homewrecker wouldn't have room to maneuver if the man wouldn't allow her in, but to talk about both sides, would double the length of this blog, and I DO need to get some work done today.
Now listen, I just want to be the first to say that I am not one to fight over a man. I'm just a firm believer that any man that is worth fighting over, would never do anything to put you in that position. But, when hearing these stories, all I can think is, "I would beat the spit out of that broad", lol. I know this sounds like the wrong approach, but let me explain. When you find out your man is cheating, or has cheated, your beef should definitely be with him. But when he cheats with someone that KNOWS about home, what piper does she pay?!
I've only ever been the victim of a homewrecker situation once before, and true to form, it was in my silly 21/22 year old phase (I'll explain how I KNOW this, in a second). Completely unknown to me, the "screwing" had been going on for a full year, and I was none the wiser. It was not until my boyfriend at the time, decided that he no longer wanted to cheat on me, at least not with her, that the situation began to spin out of control. You see, when I woman just wants to screw your man, unless he's a complete idiot, there's very little chance that you will ever find out about it. Here's why...a woman that is only after the "D", will not do anything to mess it up. Chances are, her and your man are homies...why would she want to blow up her boy's spot? He usually genuinely enjoys the time that he spends with her, and is relaxed and calm when he comes home. She's not going to call at obscene hours, and when you're around....IF you're ever around, she will keep a comfortable, but non-suspicious distance from you and your man. Why, because she has no desire to be who or where you are. Chances are, she may have a man too, and doesn't want to mess that up either. But when your man is dealing with a homewrecker, you will ALWAYS find out about it. Why? Because the Homewrecker believes that hers is a temporary to permanent position. She's waiting out her contract until the position she really wants becomes vacant, and she is going to do ALLLLLL that she can to be sure that when it comes time to fill it, that she's at the top of the list of candidates (forgive me for the extensive metaphor, I'm in staffing, lol).
What good does it do a Homewrecker to keep the peace in your house? Have you ever wondered why people love having temporary employees around? It's because they work harder than full time employees because they're trying to get a job...YOUR job, more specifically.
One of two things will guarantee a Homewrecker shows herself...the threat of the man leaving her, or if things get more serious in your relationship. That's when she has to step it up a notch. When you suspect your man is cheating, and you make the mistake of picking up the phone to call the other woman, one of two things is going to happen; either you're going to have a very short conversation with a woman that is telling you, not only does she not know what you're talking about, but any questions about your man, should be directed TO your man, or; you're going to have an hour long conversation with a homewrecker that is just gathering information to be used in your exit interview...you better watch your back, and pay attention.
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