I'm not in the Mood

I want to start this blog by saying that I've always really enjoyed the whole blogging thing. I started keeping a very comical blog on myspace a couple years ago, and as my fascination with myspace dwindled, there went the blog. This in no way meant that I didn't have clever things to say anymore, it just meant that I lacked a medium. Then I began to think about what I thought many times when wanting to share things in a blog that might be recognized by my readers (yes, I said my readers...whether there are 4 or 400, they are still my readers, lol); how do I share some of the funny things that happen to me that involve others, knowing that some of them read this thing? I used to think this all of the time as I watched "Sex and the City". I used to wonder, "Does Big ever cuss Carrie out for airing their dirty laundry?" Then I had this thought: no one but Carrie's friends know Big, or that he's dating Carrie, so truthfully, the only people that would know what she's talking about are Samantha, Miranda, Charlotte, and Big; and truthfully, the anything in the column that has to do with that, they'd know about it all either way. In this case, it just serves as something to help the days go by for a bunch of strangers. So, I'm going to throw all caution to the wind and have a little fun myself; recognizing that everyone that reads this blog falls into one of two categories: either you have no idea who or what I'm talking about and are just genuinely entertained by what you read, or you knew everything that's being said here without ever opening up the blog link. I believe the two categories neutralize one another and make the blog totally harmless. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. I will however, offer this piece of advice,, if I mention something that involves you, please don't "OUT" yourself by commenting on it. Let's put on our thinking caps people. On to the blog!!!

One of my girls and I were talking about the phrase "I'm not in the mood". Common translations include: "I'm tired", "I have a headache", "I'm on my period", "I'm celibate", and "I have a GYN appointment tomorrow". Would you like to know what they ALL mean? "I don't want to". I know the next question is, "Why don't you just say that?" The truth of the matter is that we still want YOU to want to, but we just don't want to right now, lol. Or maybe ever. Let me explain: In the same way that men don't like rejection, women don't really like to reject all that much either. This is why we give fake numbers; ignore cat calls; don't return phone calls, emails, and texts; and THEN when we see you out and about, we act like nothing is wrong, "I just had to go visit my grandmother on Mars for the past few months, but she's fine now, and I'm back, so call me sometime and we can do lunch." We don't like saying no, unless you've done something to deserve it. I know you all are probably thinking this is BS, but ask any woman. Unless she's just an unbelievable b*tch, she'll tell you that we'd much rather tell you something that will make you leave us alone, than to sit down and actually tell you that we want to be left alone. I know it's childish and selfish, but no one is interested to adding to their "number" just because they didn't want to hurt someone's feelings. We're too old for that mess, lol.

It's always interesting to watch yourself grow up. To take a moment to take inventory on your life, and see what you've accomplished, where you are in comparison to where you thought you'd be. I think the thing that is the biggest shock, is realizing that you've actually grown up. I don't imagine that you can actually take a toll of how much you've actually grown until you're single, out of your parents' house, and truly living on your own. Your desires change, your ambitions change, and you when you listen to yourself talk you think, "is that me?"

Perfect example: I no longer want to get married. Before you all flip out, make sure you continue to read, because I'm going to explain myself very well. For as long as I can remember, I've wanted to get married. I've wanted to get married and have babies. And every decision that I've made in my life has been with that in mind. Whenever I date guy I think, "could he father my children", "could I see myself spending the rest of my life with him". In the process of trying to find the one that has the most of the "must haves", I'd developed a whole new list of "must haves", and wondered why I wasn't TRULY fulfilled in any relationship. There should be a period of re-evaluation. A period of time when you sit back and think about what you really want. Because your wants change. I still want babies, but I no longer want to get married bad enough to have to deal with certain things. Now don't get me wrong, I don't want to be a single parent either, so I WILL get married, lol. But you get what I mean. I don't want to get married, I want to meet and spend the rest of my life with my soulmate. And I'm no longer afraid that I won't be found by him. Neither am I naiive enough to think that I haven't already met him, or even been with him, but one or the other of us wasn't ready. I guess what I'm saying is that marriage is no longer important enough to be the only thing that I do for the rest of my life. So, with that realization comes quite a different Myra. One that most people aren't used to, and one that I'm finding intimidates people more and more. The good part is that I don't care, lol.