Cheaters

Hey Ya'll! It's Wednesday, and I'm finally beginning to feel like the week is actually moving. Is it me or did it feel like Monday and Tuesday were each 48 hours long? At any rate, here we are at the hump, and the rest of the week is seeming a lot more doable. Very excited about the upcoming weekend...going up to NY to see the new baby, and to participate in some much needed retail therapy. I KNOW, I'll have wonderful things to report about our brothers and sisters to the North, so be sure to tune in for the updates.

From the title I'm sure you can tell that I'm going to be talking about cheaters today, but before we go on, I want to talk about a few of my pet peeves. The only reason I want to mention them is because since I've been at work today, I've been bombarded by ALL of them. I don't have many, but the ones I have are very irritating. The first and most annoying is talking with your mouth full...on the phone. I hate it in person too, but more than anything over the phone. If you're eating your breakfast, WHY would you call me to go over a job description edit. Finish your sandwich, and THEN call me. Now I can understand if I call you, it's still irritating, but you have no control over that one, but WHY call me when you're eating?! Second and almost as irritating as talking with your mouth full is, finishing my sentences. I HATE that. If this is the indication of tru love and soulmate hood (sp?), then I don't want it. Have you ever been talking to someone, and someone else in the conversation tries to say the last few words of your sentence with you. 1. They never get it right, and therefore end up looking stupid, 2. Why are you doing that? What exactly do you hope to accomplish? Are you trying to showcase your supernatural skills of foresight? Hate it Hate it Hate it. OK, the vent/rant is over. PS. This does NOT just happen to me at work. I've found that guys that are trying to "impress" tend to do this pretty often too, and rather than impress, it makes me look at the phone when you call and think, "hmmm...do I want to listen to this fool tell me what I have to say?"

This Saturday as I was lounging around at the beginning of my day, I was flipping through the channels and came across a "Cheaters" marathon. (Sidebar: Why does "Cheaters" come on G-4? That's the videogame channel. I feel like it should be on the CW or something, anyway...) Seeing as how I'm addicted to reality TV, I curled up on the sofa and committed myself to watching at least three episodes. This is a very funny show. In case you aren't familiar with the plot: quite simply, it's a show in which one person thinks their mate is cheating on them, and they call the show to catch them cheating. It starts with an interview with the scorned lover, in which they explain all of the reasons they think they're being cheated on, and throughout the interview, WE get to see surveillance that confirms this. After the interview, the host, (who btw, is the most patronizing fart you'll ever meet), shows the cheatee all of the surveillance that we've already seen. If the cheatee is a man, you can almost guarantee there will be tears, the girls pretty much just get really pissed off and militant about NOW, not taking this anymore. So then they "confront" the cheater. It's great because the cheater is ALWAYS with their new "friend", and 9 times out of 10 show no sign of remorse whatsoever. So of course, this means that now the cheatee attacks the new "friend". Only, in one of the episodes I saw Saturday, the poor guy couldn't attack the new "friend" because it was a GIRL. His girlfriend was cheating on him with a GIRL. So true to form, he cried...like a girl.

Then, it was as if I saw myself on the screen...the cheater got pissed. THIS would be my reaction. Let me explain. As stated in the last blog, I'm one of those, "don't like to reject" girls. So unless something is blatantly wrong with the relationship, I won't really have the guts to break up. At least not until I just can't stand it anymore, and that usually take about a week, lol. So there have been times...in the past...that I've cheated (don't get your panties in a bunch, this won't sound so bad in a minute). I've cheated because I didn't know how to break up with the current, but still wanted to be with the new. (Sidebar: I'm not a CHEATER, sometimes I just break up with people, and neglect to tell them right away...it's something I'm working on.) Anyway, with someone like me, this whole "HA, gotcha!!" thing just wouldn't work. I'd be like, "whew, thank God...so this means it's over right?" But TWO seconds later, I'd be LIVID. I'd be angry for a couple different reasons. 1. I no longer care about you enough to endure the embarrassment of having my business put on television. 2. I would really like to know what you sought to accomplish with this stunt. If you think I'm cheating, ask me. I'll be very honest, especially since if i'm cheating, all I need is a conversation starter, I'm begging you! Am I cheating, yes I am, and I'm sorry, but I don't think this is going to work out.

Now let's talk about the flip side of this. Well, now that I'm thinking about it, just a different side, not necessarily the flip side. What are some other reasons that people cheat? We've already talked about people like myself that cheat because we're punks. And have pretty much concluded that the punks are really only cheating as a cry for help to get out of the relationship. What about the people that cheat and don't want out of their relationship? This is a beast that I will NEVER understand. So much so that I don't really know what to say at this point. I'd like to hear some of your comments on this subject.

I guess the first task in attempting to figure this out would be defining cheating. I define cheating as anything that you wouldn't do in front of your mate. So to me, even a flirtatious text message is cheating. With this way of thinking though, there are different levels of consequences that coincide with the severity of the infraction, but nonetheless, repeated "cheating" won't be tolerated. Since this is my blog, we'll go with my definition of cheating. So to answer the question why, we'd have to ask and answer the question at every level. Why does someone accept flirtatious text messages? Anytime I've done something like this is because it makes me feel good about myself, makes me feel pretty, it's a harmless ego boost. The next level I would say would be to actually flirt in person, maybe even go to dinner or something. This is the person that has seriously crossed the line. What line you might ask? Jill Scott wrote a song that explains the first level very well.  And to be honest, this is the only level of cheating that I've ever reached, but based upon my definition of cheating, it's cheating nonetheless (I told you, it wasn't so bad ;-) ).  It's one of my favorites on the new album, because she was successful in capturing something that I would've never been able to explain if "caught".  See below:

I've been talking to this man
He's been saying what I like and
He makes me smile when I'm down
He says sweet things in my ear
All the things I've needed to hear
But that's as far as it's gone
I promise, I promise
But I enjoy it
I love it so
'Cause it seems like I'm always alone
You're at arm's reach
But baby, where are you?
'Cause I got this fire, sweet and tru
But I'm cold as ice around you
I'm lonely whenever you're around

Again, this isn't a valid reason for violating your relationship, but it's an honest and real explanation. At least it has been for me. When the album came out last summer, and I heard the song, I was immediately relieved and forgave myself for my past indiscretions.  This could also be considered a cry for attention, and can happen when you're generally happy and in love, but there's a rif, a separation of some kind. Usually emotional.

So have we answered the question at hand? Why would someone "cheat", but not be looking for a way out of their relationship? I guess there are a few answers. The first would be that the cheater may just be incapable of fidelity. The grass is always greener on the other side, but they aren't stupid enough to think that they can live their lives without some kind of ongoing companionship. Another reason could be that something is lacking in their relationship. In Tyler Perry's "Why did I get Married", the point is raised that you will only ever find 80% of what you want in a mate, in one person. If this is true, then something will always be lacking, and therefore a weak person might dibble dabble here and there tasting that other 20%. The thing that should keep you faithful is that the 20% ain't worth the 80%, if this theory is even true. Finally, the last reason that I think people cheat is that someone that truly is better may become available, or come along. This is the most difficult situation. When you're with someone, and for all you know, this is the person with whom you want to spend the rest of your life. At least, they look most like the image of this person you have in your head. And then one day, you meet someone that is EVERYTHING that you ever dreamed of. Or worse yet, you've known this person all along, but let's say they....break up with they're mate. All of a sudden the person that you've wanted most is available. But what do you do with the one you're with? They've done nothing wrong. They're quite obviously GREAT, the best of the best...if it weren't for this other one that's now available. What do you do? Please don't expect me to answer this question, lol. Because I have no idea. I could tell you what I've SEEN happen, but that's not really important here, lol. Please comment.

I guess the conclusion of the whole matter is to stay single until you can be with the one person in the world that you want to be with. I hear someone saying, "what if there's more than one person I want to be with?" You're just not ready, that's what. Of course there are other stipulations to making this work. You have to stay "prayed up". Pray for guidance so you don't muff the whole thing up. You have to be in-tuned to people's spirits. Don't just look for a physical attraction, seek a spiritual attraction. And most importantly, don't ask more of yourself or someone else than you or they are willing to give. When it's right, it happens automatically. You shouldn't be faithful to your mate starting the day that you make it "official", it's something that should've happened in you by default, because you just don't want to be with anyone else. No one is afraid of commitment. Everyone can and will commit to whom they're supposed to. We just spend too much time trying to force it.