What's the point?

Let's talk about commitment. What does commitment mean? It's defined as; an act of committing to a charge or trust; something pledged; the state or an instance of being obligated or emotionally impelled. It's also a word that will send some people to cloud 9, and send others to the emergency room with an allergic reaction. As a youngster, the assignment of a "title" in a relationship is the ultimate show of commitment. It means I'm your girl, and you're my man, and we are committed to be together forever, right? No. What it really means, is that you can't be with anyone else but me. And if you do, it gives me the right to go all the way off. So, to this effect commitment has become a license to assign fault. Afterall, if we don't "go together" technically, I can do whatever I want, right? Technically...yes. But we know that doesn't always pan out like that.

I remember being in a "relationship" with a guy in undergrad, and like every other boy in college, he wasn't ready to commit to anything but carte blanche on the booty. I was a little bit smarter than him, though ;), I told him, "look, you don't have to make me your girl, but I'm not going to continue to sleep with you, if you start sleeping with someone else, so if you do, just let me know. We can still be cool, but the physical part of our relationship will be over" (like I was ever in danger of this level of honesty). With this statement, and his acquiescence to it, I was afforded the advantages of "commitment", without him even knowing it. Basically, if you don't tell me you slept with someone else, I have the right to be upset because you agreed to tell me if you did. The push for commitment in this situation, is an attempt to keep you from being with anyone else. But the reality is, someone can call you their girl, and make a "commitment" to you, but there's no way in the world you can control their actions.

I was talking to my Evelyn yesterday about a similar topic and this is what we came up with. Guys aren't really concerned with how you feel about anyone but them. They don't really care how you feel about your ex, or that nigga you work with, or even your current boyfriend (if that's your situation). Not women. We want to know how you feel about your momma and your sisters (aunts and cousins too), any past girlfriends (whether you still see them or not), all the women at work, all your female friends and their friends too, and any other woman you may or may not come in contact with that can take you away from me. Is this not the most ridiculous and psycho thing you've ever heard in your life?! Who has the time or energy to keep up with this? I got tired just generating the list!

As stated previously, you can't control someone actions nor their feelings. Commitment isn't the chain by which you keep me from being with anyone else. However, unfortunately that's how it's used in most cases.

So, the question becomes, as an intelligent, feeling, and aware adult, why would one push for commitment under these circumstances. I mean honestly, if a commitment is no guarantee that you won't just do whatever you want to do anyway, why want it, why ask for it, why have it? It's like a car with airbags on the spec list, but when you get in a crash, none come out.

Here's the answer: You don't commit (or ask for commitment) to keep your mate from being with someone else. You commit because YOU don't want to be with anyone else. The only actions in the world you can control, are your own. At the point that you realize, you don't want to be with anyone else, you've already committed. And the same way no one can change your actions against commitment, no one can change them FOR it either.